


Hey, You're Such a Pretty Boy

by clocksworks



Category: Depeche Mode
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Concerts, Crack Treated Seriously, Dom/sub Undertones, F/M, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, M/M, Meet-Cute, Tattoos
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-02
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-14 19:13:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 3,400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29796567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clocksworks/pseuds/clocksworks
Summary: A series of (unrelated) short AU snippets with different pairings and different themes.
Relationships: Andrew "Fletch" Fletcher/Martin Gore, Dave Gahan/Alan Wilder, Martin Gore/Other(s), Martin Gore/Vince Clarke
Comments: 12
Kudos: 18





	1. New Rose (Dave/Alan)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sapphican](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sapphican/gifts).



> So let me just get it out of the way and blame **sapphican** for this, because she made [**this hilarious Depeche Mode quiz**](https://songsofgayanddevotion.tumblr.com/post/644512036303290368/here-it-is-go-crazy-go-stupid/). I was so tickled by the options she came up with for the question 'What's your idea of a fun date?' and so this nonsense was born. THIS IS ALL HER FAULT.
> 
> This is a series of (unrelated) short AU snippets with different pairings and different themes.
> 
> Her quiz is here if you want to take it (do it it's lots of fun!): [**Which Depeche Mode Cursed Fact are You?**](https://href.li/?https://uquiz.com/6rX2Kj)

**Fun Date #1: getting matching tattoos with your bestie except you're both drunk so you end up in the cheapest and least trustworthy tattoo shop and wake up with a badly drawn rose in your left ass cheek**

  
  


“I don’t like tattoos,” Alan says. He’s eyeing Dave like Dave is going to spring at him with a tattoo needle the moment he has his back turned.

“C’mon Al, it’s just a bit of fun.” Dave flips through the book of tattoo designs, perking up when he sees one of a rose. “Here, what about this one? Looks like that painting Anton made?”

Alan is still eyeing him. “Really? Are you really getting a tattoo based on something that mad Dutch bastard made?”

Dave laughs, slinging an arm around Alan’s neck. For all his disdain about tattoos and piercings, Alan is the best friend ever because he will accompany Dave to shitty tattoo parlours and complain endlessly but hold Dave’s hand tight during the crucial moments, like when he’s getting his fucking balls pierced. “C’mon Al, lighten up,” he whispers, nosing against Alan’s ear before nipping him softly on the neck. He knows he doesn’t imagine the hitch in Alan’s breath.

“What will it be, lads?” the bored tattoo artist says, not at all fazed by the fact that there are two drunk eighteen-year-olds homoerotically snuggling in his shop.

“This one.” Dave taps the rose eagerly as the artist shrugs and starts prepping his tools. Then Dave turns to Alan. “C’mon Al, you get one too.”

Alan rolls his eyes. “No.”

“We’ll get matching ones, yeah?”

“No.”

“Come on.” Dave puts on the big, pleading eyes that he knows Alan is powerless to resist. “I’ll go to your piano recital.”

“You were gonna go anyway,” Alan says, unmoved.

“I’ll go to that new David Lynch movie with you,” Dave says. Now he has Alan’s attention. “Please, please, please. You could get it in honour of my 18th birthday.”

Shaking his head, a resigned Alan turns to the artist. “Where will it hurt the least?”

The artist’s trained eye rakes over Alan’s body. Dave is surprised by the sudden surge of jealousy in his throat. “You could get it on the bum.”

Alan is now eyeing Dave speculatively. Dave knows a sober Alan wouldn’t even consider it if he weren’t drunk. “Right cheek, then,” he tells the artist, resigned.

“Yes!” Dave grabs Alan, planting a kiss on his cheek before nipping his neck again. This time, Alan doesn’t let him go.


	2. Golf Wang (Dave/Alan)

**Fun Date #2: playing golf while complaining about the latest football match**

Alan’s talking about football again. Dave blinks a little sleepily, because:

1) football talk always makes him drift off  
2) he’s baking in the sun at a fucking golf course  
3) Alan’s golf get-up of a polo tee and fucking khakis do too good a job of covering up him up and there’s nothing for Dave to ogle.

“Too much money for a transfer, if you ask me,” Alan says about some bloke named Haaland, before he takes a swing with his club. They both watch the ball sail into the distance.

“So,” Dave says, desperate to talk about something that isn’t golf or football. “Want a drink? I’m fuckin’ parched.”

Alan slants him a clever, knowing look, as though he’s aware that Dave is trying to find an out somehow. “Did I say you can go?” His tone is all smooth and mild, but Dave can hear the core of iron within it.

Dave’s head droops forward a little, the edge of the collar digging into his chin. Never has he been more aware of its presence, snug around his throat. “No, Sir.”

“Good.” Alan appears mollified again. He beckons to Dave with a little smile. “Come here.”


	3. Wait for the Blackout (Dave/Alan)

**Fun Date #3: sneaking out of your house at midnight to go see the band your mum forbade you from seeing with your bro with whom you have a subtle homoerotic relationship**

“Shhhh!” Dave hissed, glaring at Alan who had shut the door a little too loudly behind them. “My mum’s got ears like a fox!”

“You said she was asleep!” Alan whispered back fiercely.

“Doesn’t matter, the slightest thing wakes her up.” Dave stopped talking because if he kept arguing with Alan in his back garden, either his mum or Sue really was going to wake up and raise hell, and then the money Alan had spent on the Damned tickets would go down the drain. “C’mon.”

Further down the road, the car was waiting. Mark was already inside with his girlfriend du jour - Claire or Clarice or something - and he jerked his head impatiently towards the backseat when he saw Dave and Alan. “About fucking time!”

“I had to wait until my mum was asleep,” Dave said sullenly, climbing into the backseat with Alan. Alan got in after him, slamming the door as Mark drove off. Dave shot a grin at Alan, squeezing his knee in excitement. They were sitting so close that their thighs were pressed together, but Dave didn’t want to move away.

By the time they got to the show, they’d already missed the first two songs but Dave was just in time to throw himself into the crowd for ‘Machine Gun Etiquette’. The band were on fire, Dave’s namesake squalling into the mic as the audience lost their minds. After Dave had gone through two rounds of bodysurfing, he landed on his feet, beaming and high on the buzz of the crowd and the two beers Mark had snuck into the car. He looked around for Alan, who usually hung about on the periphery of the crowd during gigs.

His smile faded when he saw Alan talking and smiling with a red-haired girl much shorter than him, the two of them laughing at something.

“Hey, Al.” Dave didn’t care that he was interrupting as he marched up to the two of them, the redhead staring at him in surprise. “Not jumping into the moshpit?” Dave asked Alan.

Alan gave him a perplexed look while the redhead cleared her throat not-too-discreetly. “Moshpit?”

“Yeah, come on, let’s go dance.” Dave took his hand, ignoring the redhead’s glare as he told her, “Sorry, love."

“What’s wrong?” Alan was staring at him in confusion now. Which Dave didn’t blame him for, because one never associated Alan with words like ‘moshpit’ or ‘dance’.

“Nothing’s wrong.” Dave tugged insistently on his arm, and it said a lot about their friendship that Alan gave the outraged redhead an apologetic shrug before letting Dave drag him away, away to a corner far away from short girls Alan might fancy.

“Okay, now will you tell me what’s wrong?” Alan said patiently, looking more confused than angry. “You didn’t like that girl?”

Dave shook his head. Onstage, The Damned had now launched into ‘I Just Can’t Be Happy Today’ but Dave wasn’t in the mood for it. “She looked dodgy.”

Alan was now looking at him steadily. “Did she?” The way Alan was staring at him made Dave unsettled and nervous, like his stomach had turned itself inside out. But at the same time, he couldn’t deny the thrill of anticipation blazing through his veins - very much like the first time he’d stolen a car, looking over his shoulder for the police, buzzed by the idea of getting caught.

Dave had often let himself get caught.

“No she didn’t,” Dave blurted out, before he grabbed Alan and kissed him, his hands cupping Alan’s face desperately. He waited for Alan to push him away, to shake his head in disappointment - the inevitable bottoming out of Dave’s stomach, when the police would take down his details and call his mother.

Then Alan’s lips moved under his, and his hands were cupping Dave’s face too.


	4. Two Door Cinema Club (Dave/Alan)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes okay I know Tenet has been out for ages but the last time I went to the cinema was in 2019 so give me a pass on this one. ;)

**Fun Date #4: going to the movies with the dude you matched with in tinder except he won't shut up because he's a film bro but you still tolerate him because he's kinda hot**

Alan doesn’t believe in dating apps. He’s heard all kinds of horror stories about them, so he’s less inclined to believe Flood when he swears up and down that he’s had actual decent relationships with actual decent human people he’s met on Tinder and Match and whatever. Alan likes meeting people the old school way, but then again his social circle as a bisexual man in his 20s who just came out (or more accurately, gingerly poked a foot out the closet door) is rather lacking. Alan wants to try men now, and the number of single blokes who want to date other blokes don’t really coincide with his group of mostly straight friends who are already annoyingly coupled off.

So one night, a drunk Alan opens Grindr and sifts through tons of dick pics and men with photoshopped washboard abs and obvious catfishes. He stops scrolling when he sees Dave G., 24, who looks relatively normal and not insane and actually has a very nice, cheeky smile.

Then Dave G. messages him first. Alright, Alan thinks, let’s do this.  
  


***  
  


They first agree to meet for a movie at a theatre in Tottenham. Alan is pleasantly surprised when Dave G. turns up and he’s actually better-looking than his photo (from what Alan has heard, usually the opposite is true). Dave G. is also easy-going and charming, and Alan doesn’t miss the way Dave holds on a little longer when they shake hands, or the way he eyes Alan’s bum when Alan drops one of the tickets and bends down to pick it up.

While Dave G. is in the queue for popcorn, Alan tries to determine what could possibly be wrong with this bloke. Secretly married? Yandere serial killer who wants to turn Alan into a lampshade? A Chelsea fan? The possibilities are endless.

They have tickets for ‘Tenet’, which Alan isn’t sure Dave G. would go for, but Dave G. is apparently full of surprises because his eyes light up as he goes on and on about the genius of Christopher Nolan. He’s still yakking away about ‘Interstellar’ by the time the lights go down, but he falls silent once the movie starts. Alan is even more intrigued to watch Dave G. watching the movie; he’s quiet and intent, frowning in concentration, laughing loudly at all the jokes. He winks at Alan when he catches him staring, and their hands touch when they’re sharing the popcorn.

Halfway through the movie, Dave G. starts ranting about a possible plot hole that escaped Alan’s attention, particularly because Alan doesn’t give Hollywood a lot of credit and thinks Nolan is overrated anyway. Dave G. is going on and on about some time travel bit that doesn’t hold water, and soon they’re attracting the ire of the other patrons who keep turning to glare at Dave or shush him. “Oh come on, you know I’m right,” Dave G. snaps at them, and right there is where Alan falls in love, because there is nothing more attractive to him than someone who knows their own mind and refuses to go along with the crowd.

Finally the usher comes to them for the fourth time and tells them to shut up or leave, and it’s Alan who surprises Dave G. - and himself - when he gets up, tugging Dave G’s arm. “Let’s go, mate.” Dave G. follows, maybe curious or wary or penitent. But he relaxes when they’re outside the theatre and he sees Alan isn’t angry, not at all. Quite the opposite, in fact.

They share a cigarette. “I suppose you’ll want to make a move,” Dave G. says a little glumly. “Sorry I got us thrown out.”

Alan eyes him in amusement. “You really love movies, don’t you?”

Dave G. sighs. “I know, I know, my friends are tired of me too.”

Alan puts out his cigarette on a nearby rubbish bin. “Want to come over to my place and watch Blue Velvet?”

Dave G.’s eyes widen in surprised delight. They’re a nice mix of green and brown. The Grindr photos hadn’t gotten that part right at all. “Yeah, mate. Of course.”


	5. More Than a Party (Martin/Vince)

**Fun Date #5: throwing a party in your small shitty apartment even though you're not a party person as an excuse to get drunk and maybe end up trying exhibitionism**

More people turn up than expected, way way more because the flat is a little too crowded and Fletch is making noises about fire safety regulations and the neighbours are starting to peek out of their doors to see what the noise is all about. But Martin can’t bring himself to turn people away or shut the party down, because someone has put on Nitzer Ebb and someone else brought wine and Fletch is starting to chill a little because someone is passing around a spliff so Martin pretends that everything’s going fine and he’s going to drink all the wine because he’s the host.

The music is getting good, really good. All manner of really hot people are streaming in and out of his doors. All his friends are here. Martin spotted Dave earlier, his dark head bobbing through the kitchen, Alan’s quiff faithfully in tow behind him. Fletch is regaling a group of third year girls with some really funny story about another party they had last semester. Daryl is rolling in another keg of beer. It’s good. It’s all good.

Martin spots the redhead perched on the end of his sofa, peering through Martin’s CD tower with approval. “Hi!” Martin says loudly, grinning at the man. He’s really cute, with cheekbones sharp enough to cut glass. “Like my CDs?”

The man smirks at him. “So you’re the host?” His voice is much deeper than Martin expects, which sends a thrill through him. 

“That I am.” Martin takes a graceful bow, laughing when he feels Fletch’s arms wrap around him from behind.

“Mart, you met Vince!” Fletch says cheerfully. “Vince is my mate from BB, eons ago.”

Martin’s too drunk to hide his surprise. “You’re too cute to be in Boys’ Brigade,” he tells Vince loudly, laughing as he does so. Vince laughs too, his cheeks turning red.

The three of them end up in some weird drinking competition, where they’re the main nucleus surrounded by a group of cheering partygoers. Martin has no idea who is winning: earlier, Dave was keeping track of the game but now Martin can see him snogging Alan in the corner, so Martin knows there’s no chance he’s coming back. Still, it doesn’t matter who the winner for the drinking competition is, because Martin feels like all the joy and laughter inside him wants to come bubbling out, and Vince hasn’t moved the hand that landed on his thigh, and Martin is feeling a little too hot in his clothes because Vince’s hand feels so good, fuck.

Then Vince’s hand moves up an inch, and Martin decides to take action.

He’s gotten his trousers halfway off by the time Fletch realises what’s happening, but by then it’s too late and he’s standing naked in the midst of the party, laughing and laughing as Fletch tries to shield him with his own body and Dave has managed to tear his lips off Alan’s to take a video and Vince, well, Vince is standing there looking rather shocked but pleased, his gaze lingering on Martin’s very interested crotch.

“Come here,” Martin beckons him forward with a laugh, and he hears Dave hooting in the background as he kisses Vince, everyone cheering and clapping around them.


	6. Higher Love (Martin/Other)

**Fun Date #6: waiting outside the church for your partner to come out of their niece's baptism they were obligated to attend**

Martin hovers nervously outside the church, checking his phone for the time. Earlier Anne told him that she would be done in an hour at the most, but it’s been ninety minutes and there’s still no sign of her. He would much prefer to wait somewhere else, but he’s still in the doghouse with her because he went out with Andy and Vince on Sunday instead of going to church with her, and he thinks this might be his last strike because Anne has been yelling at him so much.

He checks his phone again. Where is she?

To his surprise, the doors suddenly fling open and what looks like the entire congregation comes flooding out of the church, laughing and talking and taking photos. Anne is with her family, and she hasn’t even looked over at Martin yet so there’s no chance he can escape. But soon everyone’s looking over at him and whispering, or giggling, because of course they remember the fucking Dreaded Swimming Pool Incident™, when they’d been having swimming lessons at school and Martin had slipped his trunks off on a dare from Daryl and of course the whole fucking school had seen his dick and gaped, the fuckers had gaped and pointed and some of them had giggled, Dave Gahan had even laughed so loudly that he’d fallen down.

“Martin. Got your shorts on today, for a change, hmm?” It’s Father Bosworth, his tone and gaze frosty as he walks past Martin. Fuck, how on earth did Father Bosworth even find out about Martin’s swimming pool mishap?

Then two very familiar arms are wrapping around Martin’s shoulders, firmly bundling him away from the church. “What are you even doing here?” Andy hisses, guiding him towards his family’s car. Behind him, Anne is staring at a departing Martin in outrage. “C’mon mate, let’s get you home.”

“But Anne--”

“Never mind her,” Andy insists, bundling Martin to where the Fletchers are waiting in their station wagon. Fletch’s sisters smile politely at him in the car, while Mrs Fletcher avoids Martin’s gaze and Mr Fletcher talks gaily about football to fill the silence. But Martin is grateful for it all, curling against Andy’s side. He feels safe here, protected.

And, to his surprise, he finds he’s not really thinking about Anne at all.


	7. London Calling (Martin/Fletch)

**Fun Date #7: taking two buses and one train to get to the old library that sells the books your nerd partner needs for their exams except they can't come with you because they're busy studying**

Fletch likes taking the buses. It’s annoying to go to London by rail because he has to go up to Billericay first and take the train from there, and if his sisters are too busy to drive him, then he has to take yet more buses there, so he might as well just buy a ticket for a National Express coach that will take him straight to London.

Taking a window seat, Fletch digs in his pocket for the list of books Martin needs for his music theory exam. Martin’s busy with his final composition piece that will make up 50% of his grade for the semester, so it is up to Fletch to head up to London and get the theory books he needs, since the only bookstore in Bas is a crumbling Waterstones that is more likely to stock Harry Potter instead of Mart’s obscure books.

Fletch doesn’t pretend to understand music composition, but he does understand that Martin is brilliant at it and he wants to be a supportive boyfriend, so he helps whenever he can. He’s got no musical aptitude like Alan, the piano prodigy who can play bloody Beethoven with his eyes closed, or Dave, the vocal major who’s already caught the attention of the Juilliard admissions team. Fletch is just plain, ordinary boring Fletch, who studies business administration and gets mostly ‘B’ grades and is surrounded by brilliant people who have more talent in their little finger than he does his entire body.

But he loves Mart though. He’s good at that.

He’s halfway through his London book shopping when his phone rings, and it’s a tired Mart on the other end. “When will you be home?” he asks wistfully.

“Almost done,” Fletch says. He glances down at the books in his tote bags. “Just need two more theory books and then I’ll hop on the next coach back.”

“Come back even if you don’t find the books,” Martin pleads. In the background, Fletch can hear Dave and Alan laughing over something. “I miss you.”

Fletch closes his eyes. Standing here in the middle of Bloomsbury, he suddenly feels very, very far from Martin. “Yeah, I’ll be back soon.”


End file.
